Nothing haunts an INFJ more than not living up to their standards and the standards of others. It’s devastating enough to not be able to be the ideal version of yourself that we want to be let alone not living up to the vision that others had of you. INFJs spend far too much time beating themselves up over failing their own expectations and trying to come up with ways to be ‘perfect’ which in the end is amounts to nothing but sitting around and brooding. But even worse than that is the feeling of when we fail to live up to someone else’s expectations. The idea of disappointing someone who used to see you more favorably is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever encountered. Sometimes I feel so flawed that I feel the need to warn people who are just getting to know me. “You may like me now, but someday I’ll disappoint you. And it will destroy me.”
Now I’m normally not a fan of promoting this kind of ‘woe is me’ type of thinking in INFJs (lord knows we already have plenty of it), but I hope talking about this can help us work through it. INFJs need to remind themselves that they aren’t perfect and never will be. You will always make mistakes. You will always disappoint people. You are only human. We all are. Romanticizing ourselves and others and seeing people in black or white terms will cause us nothing but problems. There are bits of good and bad in every person. No one is all good or all bad. Everyone is trying their best. Give yourself a little credit. Forgive yourself and others and you’ll do better next time. Have faith in yourself. You’ll be okay.