INFJ Advice

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New video: “What If Depression Followed You Online?”

If depressed thoughts (symptoms of depression and anxiety) spoke to you online, how would you cope? Your answer could be the key to real-life recovery.

I’m so proud of this video, and was so scared of publishing it. 

I had it ready to go at 9AM, but couldn’t bring myself to post it until noon. I felt (and feel) very, very vulnerable sharing the deeply personal inner debates I face against depression. It’s scary; I was afraid that people would make fun of me. But ultimately I believe that silence only breeds shame and illness, and I refuse to spend my life bowing before those altars.

50+ hours went into making this video, which is (by far) the longest an episode of HtA has ever taken to complete.  I hope with my whole heart that it is helpful to some of y’all. The response thus far has been so kind and generous that I have tears in my eyes as I type this. Guys, I have known from the start that you are awesome, but your awesomeness has never meant so much to me as it does right now. 

A quick note about why the reception y’all have given the video means so much to me.

- Mike

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There is a time for inner strength and a time for vulnerability. Love must be both at the same time. Be strong when you’re feeling insecure, and be vulnerable when you’re feeling angry. Allow yourself to feel everything unrestrained but don’t allow yourself to think or say negative things about yourself. In order to love others unconditionally, you must first love yourself. Only then will you have the energy and security to love with all your might without letting it consume you.

Filed under infj infj advice text post Wednesday love insecure love yourself

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What is Self-Loathing?


Self-Loathing (Autophobia) is an intense hatred of yourself or your actions. Self-loathing is an extreme self-esteem issue. Self-loathing can lead to someone becoming self-defeating or self-sabotaging, where their hatred of themselves leads them to sabotage their own…

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Anonymous asked: hi! im an infj and im used to relying on my friends for support, instead of myself. but now i dont have any friends really and i dont want to latch onto another person again. what can i do to motivate myself and become confident instead of insecure ? i want to find a job but that looks hard and gives me major anxiety , pls help !!

I feel the same way. I often want to get better at *fill in the blank* but I don’t know how or whatever I’m already doing isn’t working. You want to know what to do when that happens? Get help. Ask someone who is an expert in whatever you are trying to learn for help. Adulthood is often about asking for help when you need it from people who do whatever it is you want to learn more about for a living. Don’t ask your friends for expert advice, ask experts. That’s what they’re their for. And don’t expect yourself to be able to do everything on your own. Nobody does everything entirely on their own. We all need each other. If you want to get help with insecurity and confidence then talk to a life coach or counselor. There are some who specialize in certain areas that may be able to help. There are some helpful videos you can watch online for free but like I said if you want expert advice, talk to an expert. Search online for self-esteem coaches and counselors in your area or talk to a school/university counselor. You’re already on your way to becoming more confident just by asking me for help!

Stay confident,

Stay Awesome

Filed under infj infj advice ask for help mental health

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Anonymous asked: Can I ask for advice? I'm doing a 'honours program' at university, which is basically a program where you do extra classes for extra points, and you only can do this if your average grade is high enough. My grade is just high enough to do this, and I have now a part-time job where they ask much of me. I had my first exam a few days ago and it didnt really go well. I studied very hard on it because I wanted to raise my grade, but now I'm thinking I'm just too dumb for this. How do I not give up?

You don’t give up because it’ll be worth it in the end. You don’t give up because you like learning about whatever it is that you’re learning (if you don’t like the subject then start classes you do like). But most importantly, you don’t give up because it has nothing to do with how smart you are, but how much effort you put into studying the way you need to in order to pass. If you study hard for a test and don’t do well, then it’s because you didn’t study the right way that you needed to for that particular test. It has nothing to do with intelligence. If it did, then it wouldn’t matter the subject or the type of test; you’d get the same grade on everything. But you don’t get the same grade on everything. No one does. It’s because how much effort we put in varies that we get varying grades. It’s also because we all have different learning styles that don’t always match what’s required for that test. This is a really important lesson about learning that I didn’t realize until my last year of college. I do well on short answer. I do horribly on multiple choice. Classes where all the tests were short answer, I got the grades I wanted to in them. Classes where all the test were multiple choice, it was near impossible for me to get an A. It’s just not how my brain liked to think. And that’s okay. It’s okay to not do perfectly in every class. But if you really need to do well in a particular class for financial reasons or credit reasons or whatever the case may be, then the best thing you can do is talk to your teacher about how best to pass their class. Every class and every teacher is different and only they will know how best to do well in their class. And many higher education teachers love teaching and will be happy to help you. All you have to do is ask.

Best of luck! And remember, never speak badly about yourself. You aren’t dumb because a hard class is hard. You’re in an honors class! Of course you’re smart! And of course it’s hard! You just have to learn the right kind of effort you need to put in to get the outcome you want. Grades have nothing to do with intelligence. If you knew the material and did poorly on the test then it’s the test’s fault, not yours. Learn what the test wants so you can show it what you’ve learned.

Stay smart, Stay hard working,

Stay Awesome

Filed under infj infj advice learning college

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1. Everyone will talk behind your back and you will do the same, it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
2. Be spontaneous, kiss the boy/girl, go for long drives, run away, order an extra shot of coffee, buy expensive underwear, life is too short for regrets.
3. You shouldn’t have to fight for the people you love, because if they loved you too, they wouldn’t make you.
4. People can change overnight, doesn’t mean you have to.
5. We all care what people say, don’t let people think you don’t, get angry, get mad, express your feelings.
6. ‘Forever and always’ is a long time, don’t hold onto impossible words.
7. Love doesn’t hurt, heartbreak and high expectations do.
8. Do what makes you happy, you’re here to live your life, not make others better.
9. Listen to sad songs once in a while, feel the lyrics, but do the same with happy ones.
10. It might not ever be okay, but sometimes the good will lesson the bad.
10 Life lessons I have learnt. (via i-kiss-the-scars)

(via betweensilverandiron)

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Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth
Iyanla Vanzant (via onlinecounsellingcollege)